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A Little Help from my Friend

My good friend, Maria, once said something to me that has resonated ever since. It wasn’t rocket science, it was just the cold hard truth. She held up a mirror to a list of excuses I was making and just said, “It’s all a matter of priorities. It (in this case, taking care of myself) is either important to you, or it isn’t. There are no excuses, only priorities.” Ouch. The truth hurts, but you can’t run from it. It was ages ago, when my kids were very little and she was still in the envious position of life-before-kids. I was lamenting to her on the phone about how difficult it was to lose the baby weight. Cooking healthy foods and working out seemed insurmountable. I was working full time, had two small kids, I was tired all the time, blah, blah, blah. My initial reaction to being called out for my excuse making was, “Sure, easy for you to say. You don’t have this...” excuse... excuse. I couldn’t escape the truth that all of my list of “reasons” for not doing the very things I claimed were so important to me was nothing more than a list of priorities that I, and I alone, had arranged. The truth was, if eating right and exercising were important to me, I would have found a way to make it happen. What I really wanted was for my friend to say to me, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault that you can’t lose the weight and that you are miserable. You are too busy. Life is so hard for you. Poor thing...” That would have been music to my ears. Fortunately for me, my friend Maria is not an enabler!
In addition to a mildly bruised ego, Maria gave me something that day that I carry with me 15 years hence. There is a little, unavoidable voice in my head that refuses to allow me to make excuses for myself when I get in my own way. I liken it to a little cartoon image of my friend who lives on my shoulder. Inevitably, as circumstances arise and I engage in a little self-pity, cartoon Maria gently nudges me and reminds me that when something is truly important we make it happen. Sure, I can still make excuses if I choose, but I no longer have the ability to be fooled by them.
A little post script about Maria: She is truly an inspiration and I admire her ability to practice what she preaches. She recently became a certified life coach. And she did it with a husband, two little kids at home and a full time job. She has certainly found her calling and I wish her the best of luck.
Self discipline is not what you do to yourself..
It is what you do for yourself.
Self discipline is not the enemy of efficiency...
It is a friend to managing stress.
Self discipline is not rigid...
It is the greatest asset for effective planning.
Self discipline is not bondage from freedom...
It is the liberation of freedom. ~ Joseph Wardy

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