La la la la Lemon

I saw a question recently on a personality inventory that asks a child to draw a picture of him or herself in the rain. The interpretation of the drawing (roughly, and without the proper licensure) goes something like this: If the child draws the picture, but also adds an umbrella, or an overhang of a porch or even a tree... if there is some sort of shelter from the rain represented, the child is thought to have good coping skills. If, however, they just do as they are instructed and draw themselves in the rain, presumably getting wet, then it may be interpreted that they have weak coping skills. I thought this was a very insightful exercise. I wondered what I would have drawn. I tend to be quite literal at times and I think if I were asked to draw a picture of myself in the rain I would leave out any form of shelter. Now, having lived with myself these past 40 years or so, I consider myself to be pretty good at dealing with stress. I joke with my colleagues sometimes about being Gumby. I'd like to think that my ability to be flexible while maintaining a positive attitude means that I am good at coping with adversity. But when I really look at it... really boil it down... allow for the possiblity that as an umbrella-less person in the rain, despite my smiling face, I may not be coping, but rather just dealing, I was surprised.

I've always fancied myself a glass-half-full-of-lemonade-Imade-myself-out-of-the-lemonslife-handed-me kind of girl. Have I been fooling myself? Is it possible that rather than actually making lemonade out of lemons I've simply chosen instead to live happily in Lemon Land when necessary? Have I been confusing my (in)ability to cope with my preference for copping out? Hmmm, this was one for the meditation pillow. And it was not going to be easy-listening. After all, I like to think of myself as creative. I teach, I write, I.... parent (and we know that requires creative problem solving on the best of days!) What would I discover if I allowed for the possibility that I am less than stellar at coping? Initially I decided to change the meaning of the word. Coping and creativity did not have to mean the same thing. There, that feels better. I can live with that. Alas, after several meditation sessions, a few poems, many journal entries and a discussion with a therapist friend of mine, I came to the realization that my penchant for living with the lemons, and learning to love them, rather than fix them into something sweeter, is a creative gift in and of itself. While I may not be the most creative person when it comes to problem solving, I am extremely tolerant, compassionate and loving. Perhaps if I were an expert problem solver, I would not experience the people I encounter for who they are. Rather, I might spend my time trying to fix what I didn't like about them to make them more palatable to me. I think this serves me well in my profession. A positive attitude is something that must be created and nurtured. It solves the problem of being unhappy. So while I may not think to grab an umbrella in the rain, I sure do appreciate the raindrops as they cool me down in this summer heat.